inside.my.mind

So much for hope. I don’t know what to say and it seems that is wrong. I don’t know where I stand, and that is also wrong. It seems that I am wrong all around.

Just when I was starting to think things would get better I feel worse than ever.

We are going to sell the house. Melissa and I will be here until it sells then it will be back to appartment land.

That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

Mark 4:35-41 NIV

I am still here. Don’t really know how to say that I am doing. I have been much better. I have had so much going on that I have not had a whole lot of time to think about things. It seem for the moment I have more time. So yeah, not doing the best.

Leslie moved out today.

Well I am still here. Nothing is any better. I don’t guess it ever will be. They sent me home from work. To check in Wednesday and see if I am can come back. It sucks, but they are right I would not be doing any good if I was there. I am going to have a negative time off balance, which sucks, but is also good because that is not something they let people do. So that means they like me.

You know I am thinking maybe everyone should just stop reading this for a while. It is not going to very good to read. It is going to be rough and I have to do something, so more than likely I will be posting, but I know it sucks to hear me complain about how my life sucks right now. Check back later it can’t stay like this forever.

Leslie just told me that she is going to see a lawyer tomorrow to file for divorce. This sucks so much more that I know how to express.

I do want to make one thing really clear. No hating on anyone, nothing that has happen has any reason to make anyone hate Leslie or anything like that. It really sucks, but she has not done anything wrong. It really breaks my heart to know that she is leaving, but we have been having a lot of problems. I know I have not really talked about any of them, nor shall I, but the fact remains that I know what is going on and don’t have any hard feels so I hope no one else will either.

That said it really sucks, hurts, and so much more. Once again remembering not to be blaming Leslie. To be honest I don’t know what happen. I don’t know how we failed.

I have such a good sister. She took me to lunch and now she is washing my truck. The truck is excited. You see I don’t really wash it much, or at all really if you just count hand washing. Melissa is good at that sort of stuff she had a detail shop.

She is a really good sister. I am glad I have her even if I used to not show it, but I think that is just brother and sister stuff growing up. It makes me feel mean when we talk about it. It is strange how I blocked out how mean I was. Anyway the point is that I have a wonderful sister and I am very thankful for her.

I have a small bit of good news, all my shows that I watch on Sci-Fi are new tonight! Woohoo for something good. Sci-Fi has always been strange with there seasons. They start in July and then after a few months there is a break of a few months and then they start again in January. It a way it is a good thing, not having to wait as long (at one time) for new shows, but at the same time it sucks to have such a break in the middle of the season.

I have been getting Farscape from Netflix for awhile, and I must say it is good. I should have know since Dusty liked it so much. He is normally really good at picking shows and movies that I like. He is also the one that got us started watching Lost, so big ups to Dusty for introducing me to good entertainment.

It has been awhile, so I felt like I should post something. Everything is basically the same that it has been. Nothing has gotten better. I don’t know what to do.