inside.my.mind

It should have been a short week.  I just got home 30 minutes again.  Tomorrow will not be any better and I have to work Saturday.  So my short week is going to be 40+ hour week.  I hate release time.  Happy freaking holiday.

Originally uploaded by elemak.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. Mine was ok. Got to see lots of family and all that stuff.

I had four days off in a row and it did not seem like it at all, with all the running around. That would be the bad part about the holidays.

As I was saying, it was an ok holiday. I guess that was to be expected, at least for someone like myself who has a hard time controlling they way they feel. Oh well I was expecting this to not be the best Christmas of my life. Really it did go better than I thought it would.

Originally uploaded by elemak.

Well Christmas is now upon us. Sunday was the kids Christmas play at church. They did I wonderful job, I was very proud of them. It has been great getting to help out with the children. It has made the hard time a bit easier.

We went to Cookeville Sunday evening after church. It was strange being back there, but reminded me how much I wish I never had to leave. I had a lot of happy times and met a bunch of great people, some of them are even still around if you can believe they have been able to put up with me that long.

If I have time over the holiday I have a picture idea in mind for the up coming one year mark of Leslie decided to leave. I don’t want to say to much in case it does not work out, but be looking for it just after the first of the year.

Yes the whole Christmas post is early, but more than likely I will not post again until after Christmas, unless it is a picture. So have a merry Christmas.

I used to have a home
A place i started from
A place to call my own
Bright lights and late nights
The devil took me on a midnight ride
Left me out in the desert on my own
Now i feel alone
I need a hand
To help me find my way back home

I’m a drifter out on a dead end road
Trying to find my way back home
To get to you, oh to get to you
Lord i’ve been gone for far too long
Headed to places i don’t belong
And i’ve got to get back home to you

Sometimes i think about the past
The road that i was on
The one that lead me home
I’ll walk on another day
I may wonder but i never stray
Cause i found out the hard way sin don’t pay
Now i feel alone
I need a hand
To help me find my way back home

I’m a drifter out on a dead end road
Trying to find my way back home
To get to you, oh to get to you
Lord i’ve been gone for far too long
Headed to places i don’t belong
And i’ve got to get back home to you

And when i feel the night is closing in
And i can barely breathe the air
I just remember that i’ve got a friend
Who really cares
Oh who really cares

I’m a drifter out on a dead end road
Trying to find my way back home
To get to you, oh to get to you
Lord i’ve been gone for far too long
Headed to places i don’t belong
And i’ve got to get back home to you

Drifter by Decemberadio

Things are a bit better today.  The truck is fix, but I am down $265.  Seems that my water pump decided it did not want to pump water any more, anyway the old one is gone and I now have a new one.  The truck has had quite a few little problems lately.  I am hoping that it will stop breaking for a while.

It is also looking like I will be able to keep my apartment at about the same cost that I have now.  This is good and bad.  I was going to try staying with Leah and Mandy, which would have been wonderful for me.  The only thing about it was it would have been a 40 to 50 minute drive one way and that would have sucked.  They are wonderful for even giving me the option.  I wish they lived closer.

This also gives Sis a place to come if she needs it.  I feel like I should provide her a place to fall back on just in case she needs it, at least until she is done with school.

Right now I feel like Ben Folds when he was rockin’ the suburbs and just want to say f…well you can look it up if you really want to know.

I may be moving, not sure yet. My lease is up in a couple of months and from looking at apartments.com my rent is going to go up at least $150 a month, which is unacceptable. I am trying to hold out hope that it will not be that bad. This is stressing me out. The boss ask me if I was just eating beans, implying that I should have more than enough money for the new rent, but I hate to disappoint him, but I am betting he makes at least 30k more than me. That really got on my nerves. At that point I pretty much ignored him. I know he is just trying to help, but at that point I did not need someone to tell me I am being stupid. I could have used a little support. I am getting that feeling that all is crashing around me. I know that most of you will think I am just being a baby and I should get over it and if you are don’t even think about making a comment I don’t need your crap right now it would just make everything worse.

On another wonderful note it seems that my truck is leaking coolant. I don’t know much about it but from what I can tell I am starting to get pretty low. I am going to try and take it some where in the morning and see if they can take a look at it. I may have to be late to work, who knows how I will even be able to get there. I guess I should just be worried about making it to the shop and then worry about the other part later.

My little pathetic world seems to be getting sucked in to a super black hole of darkness. I think more than anything it is the feeling of helplessness I can’t stand. It is kind of like when you trip and know you are going to fall, but do everything you can think of to stop it, but in the end cause yourself more pain than if you had just let it happen.
Good times. I guess compared to what was going on last year at this time I should be ecstatic at how things are going.

A lot week at work plus the season plus my brain working equals me wanting to collapse, but more than that I just don’t want to be alone right now.  So even though I just want the world to disappear, I am off to be with friends and try to fight though this feeling.

24 season 5 came out on DVD some time recently and I just got the first disc from Netflix today.  I am hoping that I am able to watch the whole season before new episodes start again.  I believe that happens in January.  Wow did it started deadly.  I remember David blogging about this season being deadly and he was not kidding.

Oh I have exciting news!  I found Joan of Arcadia season 2 on DVD at Target last weekend!  I have been waiting years for this.  It was one of those great shows that got cut way to soon.  Anyway it is out now.  I emailed CBS about it and they never responded, but it all worked out so it is all good.
It was snowing this morning!  It is funny how something like that brings out the kids in us.  All my coworkers and I were pressed against the window watching the snow fall.  I was hoping that some of it would stick, well to be honest I was it would snow a whole lot and I could get out of work tomorrow.  It has been a long week, not bad, just long with extra hours and stuff like that.

Anyone else not looking forward to Christmas this year?  It just does not feel right this year, I know I am doing a great job of explaining what I am talking about.  I guess it might just be that this will be my first Christmas being single again.   Last year was not great either with all the problems we were having, but at times it was wonderful when all the problems seemed to go away even if it was only for a few hours.  It gave me a little bit of hope.

Originally uploaded by elemak.

I know everyone was missing me, so here is something to hold you over until I think up something to make a real post about.

Congratulations to Sara and Steven on their engagement!