inside.my.mind

When there’s nowhere else to turn
All your bridges have been burned
Feels like you’ve hit rock bottom
Don’t give up it’s not the end
Open up your heart again
When you feel like no one
Understands where you are

Someone loves you even when you don’t think so don’t you know you got
Me and Jesus by your side through the fight you will never be alone on your own you got me and Jesus

After all that we’ve been through
By now you know i’ve doubted too
But everytime my head was in my
Hands you said to me

Someone loves you even when you don’t think so don’t you know you got
Me and Jesus by your side through the fight you will never be alone on your own you got me and Jesus

Hold on to what we got
This is worth any cost so
Make the most of life
That’s borrowed
Love like there’s no tomorrow

Someone loves you even when you don’t think so don’t you know you got
Me and Jesus by your side through the fight you will never be alone on your own you got me and Jesus
even when you don’t think so don’t you know you got
Me and Jesus by your side through the fight you will never be alone on your own you got me and Jesus

Me and Jesus by Stellar Kart

Originally uploaded by elemak.

New picture of Sidda and me and Chuckie Cheeses. We make some of the kids from church go so we could get in. They will not let you in without someones kids. It was a lot of fun.

The games where not quite as good as I remember, but that is ok cause we where there for the kids to have fun and they seemed to really enjoy everything.

Anyway bad picture of me good of Sidda, but at least now you will know her when I talk about her.

Saturday was one of the most relaxing days I have had in a really long time. It was just calm, not at all the running around that I have been doing for what seems a year. I know it has only been two month or so, but it seems so much longer. We even went to a hike behind Leah and Mandy’s house. There is a lot more wooded area that I thought there was.

Today I got a glimpse of some of the strength that some of the people around me possess, and not just the adults, but also the children. I don’t understand how people can be the way they are to such wonderful people. I will never understand how or why people can be so cruel, but here is to the inspiring people who make it though and give the rest of us the hope we need to get by.

I also got to play with Sidda two days in a row so how could it have been anything but a good weekend?

Well pretty much nothing came of tonight other than a free meal and an updated resume.  Ok it was really not that bad.  I had a great time, but as far as any info on a job it is pretty much wait and see.  Just thought everyone would like to know.

I am not really sure how I feel about that.  I feel better in someways and disapointed in others.  I think I am just confused.

I have a lead on a new job. It was not something I went looking for, but something I have thought and prayed a lot about. The idea of changing jobs scares the crap out of me, but I emailed my resume tonight and I have a meeting scheduled for Thursday after work.

I have almost psyched myself out of even checking out said lead. The lead would be from someone I used to work with whom they fired, I am guessing, over two years ago. I am very happy he thought of me and was super excited last night. We had dinner and he told me about the job and all that jazz. It was a good time and exciting that I might be able to start a new job.

Today was a good day and work and I ended up feeling like I am betraying the people I work for by even considering checking into another job. Everyone I talk to is very excited that I may get a new job. I am excited, but all the what if’s keep going though my mind and make me more and more apprehensive. As scared as this is making me I am forcing myself to continue to presume and see what happens. After talking to me they may not even want to hire me, or they could love me and dump tons of money in my lap for less work that I am doing now. Who knows? I sure don’t, but I am hoping for some where in the middle of the two.

I guess I will find out in a few days. At the very least it got me to get my resume updated. I also wanted to point out that I now have a poll. It is job related. I will try to make future polls more interesting so go vote and show me that you are interested.

Granny went home from the hospital Friday evening.  She is at home and resting.  She will be fine.  She did in fact have a heart attack.  By the time I got to Chattanooga she was already out of surgery.  She had two blocked arteries.  One her body had already worked around and the other they put a stent in.

Friday morning I wake up and find out that Mom had fallen sometime in the night and could barely walk.  So I forced her to the doctor.  She did not break anything, but it will be days before she starts feeling better.  After I dropped her back off I went back to Chattanooga and stayed with Granny until she went home.  I then took her prescriptions and got them filled.  No one could find her prescription card so that was a pain trying to find out what to do.

I stayed with Granny and Granddaddy Friday night and most of the day Saturday.  After I left their house I went see how Mom was doing.  She was feeling a bit better, but still in pain.  I spent a couple of hours with her and was going to head back here so I could get some washing and stuff done.  I go out and get in my truck and it would not start.  Seems some how or another a light got left on (I had been driving Mom’s car around so my truck had been setting there).  So I ended up having to stay a few hours longer that I was going to.

Today I spend most of the day doing what I was going to do last night.  Missed church which sucked, I just could not wake up.  Speaking of church I need some good gift ideas for a two year old, Sidda is turning two.  She loves Blues Clues.  I was going to order this plush Blue off to Nick Jr, but it turns out that it will not be released until the first of February, so I need something else.  Please help.

I got a call and my Grandmother has been flown to a hospital in Chatanooga, they think she may have had a heart attack.  Thought this would be the easiest way to let everyone know.  As soon as I pack I am on my way there and I have no idea when I will be back.

Originally uploaded by elemak.

I had a pretty good weekend. Finally got to spend some good time with my girls. It has been a while with the holiday, family visits, and work. I was feeling pretty down, but they snapped me out of it.

Hope it lasts for a while. This working so much is really starting to wear me down, not to mention some other things that have not gone as I would have liked. Thats life I guess. Thank goodness for close friends who can tell when things are wrong.

I took some pictures this weekend. As always a few of them have been posted on flickr. I don’t know why but I was fascinated with this Gray’s sign. I don’t know how many shots I took of it, but it is quite a few.

I also went and looked at a couple of cars this weekend. The Altima and Camry. I like the way the Altima looks a lot better, but I think the seat in the Camry are more conformable. Altima has better gas mileage. Anyway I should not even be looking at this point, but I wanted to. I just can’t let myself drive one or it will be all over.

One:  You will be taken advantage of.  There is no way around it, nice people are always taken advantage of by people who are not nice.  It sucks, but it is also the way the world is and that will not be changing anytime soon.

Two:  People will dismiss things you say because they think you are just being nice.  I think this one is more frustrating than number one.  Try listing to what someone is saying for a change instead of just dismissing them and telling them that they are wrong when they say nice things about you.  Maybe they see something about you that you will not let yourself see.

Originally uploaded by elemak.

Today marks one year since Leslie told me she no longer wanted to be with me and was going to talk to a lawyer and move out. It has been a crazy year. It has been full of unexpected good time and some of the lowest times I have every had.

I have become much closer with some people as other have drifted far apart. It truly saddens me that people that I have been close to a good portion of my life are no longer close as they once were. I hold out hope than what has been lost will wonder be recovered. Thank goodness for the friends that I do have close, and have gotten closer with or I would have never made it this year.

Special thanks to a new old friend who has petty much gotten me though the last couple of weeks with work being crazy, which is a whole other barrel of monkeys.

I think what gets me so much about this day more than any other is that for me this is the day our marriage ended. I know legally it happen over three months later, but not for me.

So this is the picture is the one I was talking about taking a few weeks ago. It did not turn out like I would have liked, but I was at my grandparents house and all I need was for someone to walk in and catching me taking pictures of my old wedding ring. Leslie had her engagement ring turned into a necklace. Nice of her to let me know.

Ignore this post. I am not in a good mind set.

I have made progress this last year, I have done thing I never thought I would do. I have to keep pushing on and hoping that I keep making head way. I have pretty much no other choice than to carry on and have faith that my prayers will be answered.