inside.my.mind

I have been sick.  I started taken meds on Friday and have now missed 2 days of work.  This afternoon is the first time I even felt like getting on the computer if that tells you anything.  I am going to attempt work tomorrow.

Hope it works out I hate wasting days on being sick.

Today sucked, seems like nothing worked out like it should have.  Just one more day of work this week.  I can do one more day, like I have a choice.  Sorry it was one of those bad days at work.  I can’t seem to make it more that a three month without screwing up and not communicating as they expect me to.  I wish I could get it right.

If everything goes ok tomorrow I am going to be driving to the Cleveland area, at least that is what I have in my head at this point.  I pretty much have everything pack already.  I think I am taking to much stuff, but I ever know what to bring with I go places.  I think a couple of day away will be good, at least I hope so.  I may go into hiding mode at some point being around that many people for a couple of days.  I have gotten so used to it just being me most of the time.  I like having people around, but I have gotten where I also like to have my alone time when the mood strikes me.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.

As much as it sucks I am going to have to sit down and update the old budget.  I got to do something until the other plans fall in place.  I have to make myself start saving.  I need to get the emergency fund build out to where it needs to be.  Then I have to pay off the car.  All that effort is only so I can buy a DSLR.  I am forcing myself to do those things before I get to have one.

At work today they ask if I would work Saturday.  Not happening, got stuff I have to get done.  They managed to get two of the four that could work on the project so I don’t guess that is too bad.

I have been trying to go back to the gym more, mostly to run.  I made it three times this week so far!  I hope I am able to keep it up.  I am afraid that my lack of will power and this time of year is going to send my weight back up.  I need to stay motivated and run at least three times a week.  Someone remind me of that when I start slacking.

On the outside all we see is clay
That hides the perfect life
But no one really knows the pain inside

I understand how much it hurts
To be the one who’s never seen
The missing pages in a magazine

No one knows you anymore
You’re lost inside the walls you’ve built
No one knows you anymore
A prison deep within your soul
There is One who sees it all
He’ll give you life you’ve never dreamed
He can see the pain underneath your skin

It’s hard to see you fading
Nothing that I do can bring you back
I pray to God that you don’t fade away
Your addiction is a symptom of a lost and dying soul
Without Jesus there’s no hope at all

There’s so much more this is not the end
It’s all in your hands don’t throw it away
A beautiful life with so much to give
The image of God underneath your skin

The beauty of God underneath your skin
The beauty of God underneath your skin
The beauty of God underneath your skin

Missing Pages by Seventh Day Slumber

Well I am almost at month with the beard now, which it official beard. It is going to stay for at least another couple of weeks. Who knows I make keep it for awhile. I can’t make up my mind about it. It is also amazing to me the number of people from different areas of my life that have taken to calling me Grizzly. I know that I mentioned that in the last post, but that was back when it was just people at work. They talk to each other, it could have been planned, but people at church are doing it now as well. I know for sure they don’t talk to anyone I work with.

I bought a tripod this morning. That would be the reason for the two of me in this picture. I wanted to try it out right fast so that is what you get, plus it got the last picture of the beard out of the way. No more weekly photos of me!

I cannot believe the weekend is over already. I also cannot believe how paranoid the events of a couple of years ago have made me. I seem to now have a deep seeded fear of people getting tired of me and leaving. I had a very unpleasant reaction just talking to Leah. I seriously was looking for away out. Make it stop.

I almost forgot, I put a few pictures from Radnor Lake that I took on Saturday morning on flickr.

People at work have taken to calling me grizzly because of the beard. I posted a photo on flickr of day 21. I am really not liking having some many pictures of myself, but people seem to keep looking so I will do it for at least one more week.

I guess I will give you a run down of the weekend. Friday I was at work until almost 7 getting something finished up since I was changing projects again. After that I came home and watch a couple of TV show when they first aired, for once, instead of a week later like I normally do.

Saturday I get in my weekly Target trip. Normally the Target trip is a Sunday morning I got to church too early thing, but this week it was more planned. After that Mandy came over and helped me pick up the truck from the shop. From there we went and water proofed most of the playground thing at church. When we got done with that grabbed some food and went to Leah and Mandy’s house, which Leah had cleaned and it looked very nice. Got to see the bonus room which it coming along quite nicely.

Sunday we went to Cookeville for church with Leah’s parents, they go to The River and it was their first service in a new building. After church we hung out with Leah’s parents. I had a really good time. Got back to Smyrna and took off to Dusty’s. His battery had died so we got him all fixed up. Sis rode with me. It was really cool we don’t really get to spend a lot of time together so it was good to get to talk to her. I also let her know that I am going to be moving in a few months.

Busy weekend, but a good one.