inside.my.mind

I am sure by now that ever one has seen the celebrity look alike things, if not you upload a picture of your face and it tells you what celebrities you look like.  I have seen a lot of them that friend have done.  I thought I would give it a try.  The results are I am a freak.  Everyone that I have seen have all the celebrities have been of the same sex as the person in the original picture.  My celebrities are half female and half male, not really sure what that says about me, regardless I will not be posting it for anyone to see.

In other new, I reached a goal!  It took me a heck of a lot longer that was originally planned, but it is hard to stay on track when other people are involved.  Five or six months late is a lot better than never right?  Now I am on to the next one.

I went to Cleveland Friday night and part of Saturday.  Felt like I only had half a weekend.  Tired but don’t want goto bed.  Anyone want to stay up all night with me and talk about anything and everything?

I am not really sure why or how I let it get out of control, but my brain will get on a line of thoughts and play out future scenarios about so many things.  It does this, get my hopes up really high, even though I know it is all based on nothing.  It is like a run away train with no hope of stopping.  All I can do is wait for something to derail it, because no matter what I try to do to stop it nothing works.  Anyone know anyway to take control of thoughts?

Wordpress 2.5 is now out and I upgraded tonight.  I had some issues with the section that was displaying my flickr images.  I tried to fix it, but I really don’t know much about all this web stuff, so I ended up just changing themes.

That is all just wanted to share my bit of frustration and announce the new theme.

I had a really wonderful weekend.  I have been trying to think of a way to explain, but nothing seems to do it justice.  I guess I will just start.  Friday I ended up having to work over which put me in a pretty grumpy mood.  I had plans and was going to be late.  I hate being late.  I hate being on time really.  I am alway early, I might not go in where ever I am going early, but I am there before it is time to be there.  I ended up getting to Leah and Mandy’s later than I wanted, but before most people had gotten there.  It was a great night of friends, fish, and new stories about Mandy.  Mandy’s dad was in for the weekend and came with a ton of fish that was fried.  Mandy’s dad comes with stories that I have never heard, so I really enjoy hearing about her growing up.  It was really a good time with everyone.

Saturday was interesting, but fun in its own way.  Leah’s dad got tickets to the race Saturday since Mandy’s dad is a fan.  None of the rest of us care a single thing about racing.  My dad said if I ever went to one in person I would like it, well he was wrong.  It was boring and cold, but over the course of the day I really enjoyed myself, but again that had nothing at all to do with the race, it was getting to hang out with my girls.  One really cool thing about Saturday was that we go to see Third Day!  I was maybe 15 feet from the band and a good deal closer to some huge freaking speakers.  I could not hear out of my right ear very well until this morning.  Saturday night we watch a movie had a really bad ending.

Sunday was of course Easter.   With the kids that is always a very busy day.  We spent the first service setting up the kids room to handle all the kids we were expecting, and hiding eggs for the hunt after the second service.  Second service is when we have the kids.  One of the kids I had not seen in a long time was in the nursery so I went in there.  After church the kids ran around like crazy collecting eggs.  It was a great day.

Like I was saying I had a great weekend, and I know I have not properly conveyed the reason, but at least you have some idea.

This town is colder now, I think it’s sick of us
It’s time to make our move, I’m shakin off the rust
I’ve got my heart set on anywhere but here
I’m staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel…
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal… for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re ‘here’ not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They’re tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could…
Steady feet, don’t fail me now
Gonna run till you can’t walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I’m standing down…

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re here not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, you don’t need

What you need, what you need…

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be
Oh, do you see what I see…

Stop and Stare by OneRepublic

Have you all ever seen What About Bob? If you have not I recommend watching it, strike that, owning it. You can get it at Target for five dollars. It will teach you all about baby steps and death therapy. A lesson we all need at times.

I screwed something up at work the other day and it was not found until today in the middle of a demo. I hate screwing things up. I make myself feel far worse than any amount of yelling can do, in fact getting in trouble just tends to make me angry more than anything. I try my best to get everything right, but I am not perfect, I will never be perfect. I make a change that affected a ton of places and missed one. It is so much worse that it was discovered during a demo for some new potential clients. No one has said anything to me about it, so I think all is well.

For all that I freaked out with the last post, I will be ok. I am not better, but I am not worse. I have been far worse during the course of my life and I am still here, so I will make it. Not always easy, but I either keep on trying or I will be stuck forever.

In geek news, Microsoft finally released Vista SP1 to the masses. I downloaded and installed it. Installation took thirty minutes or so and something like four reboots. I really can’t say that I can tell a difference, but I was not having any problems before, so I am not really surprised.

You know I have head it said that doing the same thing over and over expecting to get a different result is a definition of insanity. I some how keep getting myself in the position of getting taking advantage of in one way or another. I do this over and over. I trust someone, and they use it against me. In a lot of cases over and over again. As soon as they are given the chance they are gone and don’t look back, unless something goes wrong.

I will never be the most exciting friend you have. I will never be a person that you have wonderful conversations with. New people will always come along that get your attention. Over the course of my life I have lost count of all the people who at one point or another thought of me as being their best friend. It never fails that something or someone comes along that is more interesting.

I guess this has grown to be one of my biggest fears in life. I have some really wonderful friends, but all of them have something that will always come before me and they should. I am not trying to sound like a brat and I am sure that is how this is coming across, but screw it I don’t really care. I am tired of this life. I am tired of never ending days with no hope of chance in sight. I am sure you are sitting there thinking that if I don’t like it change it. I have tried and am trying. I have done so many things to try and get my life out of this rut that I would have never seen myself doing even three years ago. I will keep trying and maybe one day something will work. I have a couple of things that I do that I manage to find happiness in, so I will keep doing them to get by until I can manage to find what ever it is that will make this all end.

Don’t freak out if you can’t leave a comment I have disabled them for this post. I know you would just be trying to help, but I don’t want any crap caused by something that maybe said, so if you have something to say email it to me, my address is on the contact page.

I have once again canceled my netflix account. I have one more movie to watch and then I am done. More than likely at some point in the future I will rejoin. I don’t think it will ever be a service I subscribe to continuously. It is great for the winter time when it is cold out, but now that the weather is getting nicer I don’t need it. It also means I will fall behind on movies once again, but who cares.

This week has been ok. Nothing really note worthy. In case you have not noticed I have been slowly been posting pictures from a couple of weeks ago on flickr. You all are dirty people seeing that the squirrel picture has gotten a lot more views than any of the others.

I am very ready for the weekend. The whole time change thing has really screwed with my ability to sleep, so I am hoping to catch up this weekend.

Target is open now, but it has been so packed that I have not even tried to go yet. I am thinking maybe Saturday I will brave the crowds and check it out.

What a week this has been so far. Something about everyday has really sucked. Monday I was almost falling asleep, Tuesday everyone says I was grumpy, and today was worse than the other two days combined. I really hope this trend does not continue.

As you can see I used the squirrel picture I was talking about yesterday on today’s post. If you go to flickr and look at a larger version you will be able to see what I was talking about.

I don’t guess this post really has a point other than I needed to vent and the neighborers are really getting sick and tired of me going outside and screaming my lungs out.

Some of you might find this entertaining. The boss snapped at me about something today and I snapped back a bit. He said something that I knew was not the way it was and told him as much. He said I was wrong. I went back to my desk and looked up the code that showed me right. Told him about it. I still ended up doing it the way he wanted, but that was not the point. He was a butt to me for no reason and I proved that I was right. I spent the whole afternoon pissed off. It was not even about who was right or wrong it was just the way he acted. I really just don’t even want to go to work tomorrow. I just want to say screw it, but for whatever reason I can’t do that.

I lack the ability to just say screw it to things. Some people that is all they do. Not sure which way would make life easier. Oh well back to my exercise.

This weekend was wonderful outside. I have put a couple of pictures I took on Saturday up on flickr. In the picture of the squirrel I got more than I barged for, but had to post it anyway. Hoping some of you will at least get a laugh out of it.

Just some FYI, the server transfer went though just fine along with the DNS transfer. If anyone sees any problems let me know, but things have been running great for the last week so I don’t think we will have any problems.

This past weekend wore me out. By the end of day yesterday I was almost falling asleep at the keyboard. Today I did not feel sleepy, but from what my co-works were saying I was being a grump. They were right, I cough myself thinking some very grumpy things.

Isn’t it funny how when you think you might finally be figuring some stuff out things end up more confused than ever?

I have a song I want to hear. I don’t know the artist, title, or any of the words. All I know is it a sad sounding song with a female singing. I talked to Dusty about this and he is right I am going to have to go though everything I have to find it. I am not sure I want to hear it that bad.

I forgot to mention, but I finally finished all the complete Sherlock Holmes book that I bought a few years ago. I had a lot of trouble with it at first, but after I got used to the language it was pretty enjoyable. I have now moved on to Jules Verne. It has four of five of his novels in it so I will be reading it for awhile. After I finish that I maybe asking for some reading suggestions.