inside.my.mind

What a week I have had so far.  Seems like when I think it will not, or can’t, get any worse something else happens.  Today I had a nice huge guilt trip laid on me.  I really don’t handle them well.  Today I almost when off when I heard what was being said.  If they had any clue what sort of state I was in nothing would have ever been said.

So I got off the phone even less happy that when I got on, I had been hoping that it would be an improvement but I was wrong.  After the call I decided I would go “run” until I either felt better or passed out.  Turns out I can’t even do that.  I was try to run pretty much as fast as I could in an effort to just make it all go away.  I made it about a minute before my leg started killing me again.  I hurt it on Saturday, but I thought it was better.  I was wrong.  It has stopped hurting again, so I think it was just giving me a warning to cool it.

So much negative in this place lately, I don’t like that.  This is not who I am.  I am the person that is always smiling, not the one constantly depressed.  I am still here, I still have some wonderful people in my life, even if all the relationships are not what I wish they were.  I will get thought this.  I will not let this destroy me.  People can belittle me and what I do all they want, they can discount what I do, think I am nothing, but it is not true.  I am worth something.  I may not be the most excited person, but I will always be there for the ones who will let me.  I am not going to lie and say that I like it or that it is easy when someone else comes along who you think is better, but guess who will be there long term and who will not.

Now just have to try and hold on to this bit of positive thought.