May 11 2008
Not yet!
I am really not ready to go back to work…nothing strange about that really, but this time is worse. I think it is because of what I am working on. I have been working on it for pretty much a full week and still have at least another day on it. All that would not be a big deal, the problem comes in the fact that I can only test at most a third of the changes I am making. Leave me feeling not so good, but I have repeatedly told my boss about it so I am hoping he will test the rest like I requested.
Ok I hate screwing up. There are so many things to think about it is hard to me to not miss something. The thought of screwing up paralyzes me a lot of times. I guess I am better about it than I used to be, but it is still something I struggle with a lot. I still don’t know if it is better to try or just not bother. I think in the last few years I have leaned more toward trying, but it is hard.
I don’t know what has happen to live over the last couple of months. It seems like everyone is at a distance. The people who are my rocks feel so far away, I miss them. Life has just been so busy for everyone. A song just came on that reminds me of years ago and friend I had that are basically no longer there. I am so scared that it will happen again.
In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ~Albert Schweitzer