inside.my.mind

For the third day this week I attempted a run, it is more like a jog, and I have come to the conclusion that my lungs hate me.  When I was a child and teenager I had a lot of breathing problems.  I thought they were pretty much all gone, but I am not so sure.  I am sure I have mentioned this before, but inside on some sort of equipment I can get a heck of a lot further than I can outside.  When outside it seems like I get instantly out of breath.  I don’t want to run inside any more.  I want to be outside in this wonderful weather, I want to run a 5k before I die, and that can’t happen indoors.  Ergo I have been trying to run outside.  It is hard and I am doing a little better, but it such a small difference that it is discouraging.  I am going to try and stick with it.  I want to be able to do this.

I want to skip the next couple of days.  Work is going to be crazy I think.  Looking at the list of stuff we have to do verses the amount of time does not look good, at least for tomorrow.  The boss wants to be out on time this Friday so I am sure I will be done at most an hour late, so that will be good.

My poor neighbors.  I have been setting here blogging away, listening to music, and singing.  Normally that would not be an issue, but it is so nice out that I opened a window and forgot it is open.  I am hoping that you can’t be arrested for singing poorly.  I remember when I would never sing in front of anyone, at a volume where you could hear words coming out.  I have gotten better about not caring and just doing it anyway.  Last year on the ski trip I was sing loud in front of everyone, it may have been a first.  Good times.

If you remember I said I was going to read some Jules Verne. Well today I finished the collection I was reading. It contained Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, The Mysterious Island, Journey to the Center of the Earth, and Around the World in Eighty Days. It is strange to me that the one book of the group I had not heard of ended up being the one I liked the best. The Mysterious Island was by far the one I enjoyed the most. Now that I have finished some Jules Verne I have moved on to Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

This was the weekend of music.  Friday night church had song writers’ night.  Bryon Rice and Charles Green performed they were both very good.  I really enjoy those nights at church and getting to hear new artists.  I hope they keep it up.

Saturday we were going to go to the Earth Day festivities, but the rain changed our minds.  Instead we went to a bunch of the stores next until it was time to meet for musical even two of the weekend.  The picture is Spence and me getting ready to race while waiting on the others to arrive.  Ran three races, added more people on the other two, and I almost passed out.  I am so out of shape, but I did manage to win all three!

We went to do dinner and then to see Casting Crowns.  Wonderful show!  Great time with wonderful people.  I love it when we get to do things with the youth, and of course all our friends who joined us!

I’ve tried my best to hear out the masses,
I’ve heard it all, from A to Z.
I’ve read it all, been to all of the classes,
And still I’m tryin’ but I just can’t see through the smoke.

And I don’t want it, this confusion,
I don’t want a false solution.
Give me something to hold on to,
I want what you have ’cause you have what I need.

I know it’s hard to be yourself when
you’re not sure just who that is.
All I wanted was satisfaction,
but all I got was empty fists.
Can you hear me?

And I don’t want it, this confusion,
I don’t want a false solution.
Give me something to hold on to,
I want what you have ’cause you have what I need.

All I wanted was honesty,
and that was something only you give.
It took forever just to realize that I had to give myself away,
so I could see your face and learn how to live.
I can’t erase your mark,
you may take every thing else away.

And I don’t want it, this confusion,
I don’t want a false solution.
Give me something to hold on to,
I want what you have ’cause you have what I need.

I want what you have ’cause you have what I need.

You Have What I Need by Hawk Nelson

I had a really wonderful weekend.  I have been trying to think of a way to explain, but nothing seems to do it justice.  I guess I will just start.  Friday I ended up having to work over which put me in a pretty grumpy mood.  I had plans and was going to be late.  I hate being late.  I hate being on time really.  I am alway early, I might not go in where ever I am going early, but I am there before it is time to be there.  I ended up getting to Leah and Mandy’s later than I wanted, but before most people had gotten there.  It was a great night of friends, fish, and new stories about Mandy.  Mandy’s dad was in for the weekend and came with a ton of fish that was fried.  Mandy’s dad comes with stories that I have never heard, so I really enjoy hearing about her growing up.  It was really a good time with everyone.

Saturday was interesting, but fun in its own way.  Leah’s dad got tickets to the race Saturday since Mandy’s dad is a fan.  None of the rest of us care a single thing about racing.  My dad said if I ever went to one in person I would like it, well he was wrong.  It was boring and cold, but over the course of the day I really enjoyed myself, but again that had nothing at all to do with the race, it was getting to hang out with my girls.  One really cool thing about Saturday was that we go to see Third Day!  I was maybe 15 feet from the band and a good deal closer to some huge freaking speakers.  I could not hear out of my right ear very well until this morning.  Saturday night we watch a movie had a really bad ending.

Sunday was of course Easter.   With the kids that is always a very busy day.  We spent the first service setting up the kids room to handle all the kids we were expecting, and hiding eggs for the hunt after the second service.  Second service is when we have the kids.  One of the kids I had not seen in a long time was in the nursery so I went in there.  After church the kids ran around like crazy collecting eggs.  It was a great day.

Like I was saying I had a great weekend, and I know I have not properly conveyed the reason, but at least you have some idea.

This town is colder now, I think it’s sick of us
It’s time to make our move, I’m shakin off the rust
I’ve got my heart set on anywhere but here
I’m staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel…
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal… for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re ‘here’ not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They’re tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could…
Steady feet, don’t fail me now
Gonna run till you can’t walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I’m standing down…

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re here not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, you don’t need

What you need, what you need…

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be
Oh, do you see what I see…

Stop and Stare by OneRepublic

Have you all ever seen What About Bob? If you have not I recommend watching it, strike that, owning it. You can get it at Target for five dollars. It will teach you all about baby steps and death therapy. A lesson we all need at times.

I screwed something up at work the other day and it was not found until today in the middle of a demo. I hate screwing things up. I make myself feel far worse than any amount of yelling can do, in fact getting in trouble just tends to make me angry more than anything. I try my best to get everything right, but I am not perfect, I will never be perfect. I make a change that affected a ton of places and missed one. It is so much worse that it was discovered during a demo for some new potential clients. No one has said anything to me about it, so I think all is well.

For all that I freaked out with the last post, I will be ok. I am not better, but I am not worse. I have been far worse during the course of my life and I am still here, so I will make it. Not always easy, but I either keep on trying or I will be stuck forever.

In geek news, Microsoft finally released Vista SP1 to the masses. I downloaded and installed it. Installation took thirty minutes or so and something like four reboots. I really can’t say that I can tell a difference, but I was not having any problems before, so I am not really surprised.

I have once again canceled my netflix account. I have one more movie to watch and then I am done. More than likely at some point in the future I will rejoin. I don’t think it will ever be a service I subscribe to continuously. It is great for the winter time when it is cold out, but now that the weather is getting nicer I don’t need it. It also means I will fall behind on movies once again, but who cares.

This week has been ok. Nothing really note worthy. In case you have not noticed I have been slowly been posting pictures from a couple of weeks ago on flickr. You all are dirty people seeing that the squirrel picture has gotten a lot more views than any of the others.

I am very ready for the weekend. The whole time change thing has really screwed with my ability to sleep, so I am hoping to catch up this weekend.

Target is open now, but it has been so packed that I have not even tried to go yet. I am thinking maybe Saturday I will brave the crowds and check it out.

This weekend was wonderful outside. I have put a couple of pictures I took on Saturday up on flickr. In the picture of the squirrel I got more than I barged for, but had to post it anyway. Hoping some of you will at least get a laugh out of it.

Just some FYI, the server transfer went though just fine along with the DNS transfer. If anyone sees any problems let me know, but things have been running great for the last week so I don’t think we will have any problems.

This past weekend wore me out. By the end of day yesterday I was almost falling asleep at the keyboard. Today I did not feel sleepy, but from what my co-works were saying I was being a grump. They were right, I cough myself thinking some very grumpy things.

Isn’t it funny how when you think you might finally be figuring some stuff out things end up more confused than ever?

I have a song I want to hear. I don’t know the artist, title, or any of the words. All I know is it a sad sounding song with a female singing. I talked to Dusty about this and he is right I am going to have to go though everything I have to find it. I am not sure I want to hear it that bad.

I forgot to mention, but I finally finished all the complete Sherlock Holmes book that I bought a few years ago. I had a lot of trouble with it at first, but after I got used to the language it was pretty enjoyable. I have now moved on to Jules Verne. It has four of five of his novels in it so I will be reading it for awhile. After I finish that I maybe asking for some reading suggestions.

I have been dreaming again.  Sunday night I was out hiking in a beautiful mountainous area.  The sky was so very blue, with no clouds to be found as I walked along small clear river.  It was such a perfect place.  Then the rednecks came and tried to kill me.  I spent the rest of the night running instead of being able to enjoy this wonderful place I was in.  I did not wake up very rested on Monday morning.

I have not been having to work quite as much as I was, but can’t seem to snap out of this slump I seem to be in.  I have been in worse so I am sure I will snap out of it at some point.  Some people are not helping with the things they are doing, but they are completely clueless about the effect they are having.

Freedom Writers is a great movie.  I just finished watching it and really enjoyed it.  I know it has to be the nice friendly version of what happen, but it is still a wonderful movie that I really recommend you watching.

If I can ever get my host’s support team to believe I am who I say I am the blog maybe undergoing a few changes.  Should not be anything you all will notice, just trying to get moved to a server with some newer software on it.  I have it in my head that I am going to play with some of it, but who knows if that will really happen or not, but I know I will be more likely to do it if I am on the latest stuff verses trying to learn an older version of the technology.