inside.my.mind

This weekend was very busy and very exhausting.  I did not want to do anything yesterday.  Today is a little better, but not a lot.  It was all worth it to raise money for the youth.  We did pretty well, but still have more to raise.

Saturday we helped setup for the yard sell and then spent the rest of the day on a car wash.  Sunday in addition to all the normal church activities we had a lunch.

It was a good weekend, one of those that you hate to see end even if you are physically and mentally exhausted.  Coming home to nothing is really hard after all the things that went on.  Not really sure if that makes sense to anyone, but that is where I am at.

Monday at work was hard.  We had a lot of problems and I was having trouble thinking clearly.  I was really hoping to leave on time and get some of the mundane things that have to be done that I did not get to this weekend.  Did not get to leave until an hour and a half late.

Today I was still having a really hard time focusing and did not get as much done as I needed, but don’t really know what I could do to change that.  I just did my best and hope that is good enough, it is not like it really matters the more I do now just means the more that they will add right before the release and I will just end up having to stay late either way.

Speaking of work, I finally got my Christmas present!  They got us digital picture frames.  The first one I got did not work and the second had a rose colored frame.  After that there were some staff changes and I think it got forgot.  One of the other people who had the same problems I did emailed and reminded them that we never got ours and now we do.  I just tried and it works!

I had a pretty good “run” today.  Made it around the apartment complex there times, four if you want to count the walking I did on the fourth time around.  I am still very very slow, but it is nice to at least have an improvement in distance.  Not to say that the distance I am going is anything that anyone would be proud of.

For the third day this week I attempted a run, it is more like a jog, and I have come to the conclusion that my lungs hate me.  When I was a child and teenager I had a lot of breathing problems.  I thought they were pretty much all gone, but I am not so sure.  I am sure I have mentioned this before, but inside on some sort of equipment I can get a heck of a lot further than I can outside.  When outside it seems like I get instantly out of breath.  I don’t want to run inside any more.  I want to be outside in this wonderful weather, I want to run a 5k before I die, and that can’t happen indoors.  Ergo I have been trying to run outside.  It is hard and I am doing a little better, but it such a small difference that it is discouraging.  I am going to try and stick with it.  I want to be able to do this.

I want to skip the next couple of days.  Work is going to be crazy I think.  Looking at the list of stuff we have to do verses the amount of time does not look good, at least for tomorrow.  The boss wants to be out on time this Friday so I am sure I will be done at most an hour late, so that will be good.

My poor neighbors.  I have been setting here blogging away, listening to music, and singing.  Normally that would not be an issue, but it is so nice out that I opened a window and forgot it is open.  I am hoping that you can’t be arrested for singing poorly.  I remember when I would never sing in front of anyone, at a volume where you could hear words coming out.  I have gotten better about not caring and just doing it anyway.  Last year on the ski trip I was sing loud in front of everyone, it may have been a first.  Good times.

This was the weekend of music.  Friday night church had song writers’ night.  Bryon Rice and Charles Green performed they were both very good.  I really enjoy those nights at church and getting to hear new artists.  I hope they keep it up.

Saturday we were going to go to the Earth Day festivities, but the rain changed our minds.  Instead we went to a bunch of the stores next until it was time to meet for musical even two of the weekend.  The picture is Spence and me getting ready to race while waiting on the others to arrive.  Ran three races, added more people on the other two, and I almost passed out.  I am so out of shape, but I did manage to win all three!

We went to do dinner and then to see Casting Crowns.  Wonderful show!  Great time with wonderful people.  I love it when we get to do things with the youth, and of course all our friends who joined us!

It was so nice outside today I thought I would not waste it.  So I came home changed and attempted to run.  I don’t know what it is about running outside, but I suck at it.  Put me on something inside at a gym and I can stay at a pretty constant pace the whole time, and even feel pretty good afterward.  If I run outside I am out of breath in less that three minutes and have to stop running and take a walking break after no more than five minutes.

I got back today and was almost sick.  I am going to try and force myself to keep trying.  I am really hoping that I can increase the time between walks and the time before I get sick.  Who knows, maybe I am doing it wrong?  Or maybe I am just super out of shape.  Either way at some point I want to run at least one 5k before I die, so I need to get with it.

On a side note, I have communication issues.  I want to see how people are doing, but get so freaked out about it that I never can see how they are doing.  It happens to me all the time.  Does not matter if it is in person or not, although I think in person might be a bit easier.

Have you all ever seen What About Bob? If you have not I recommend watching it, strike that, owning it. You can get it at Target for five dollars. It will teach you all about baby steps and death therapy. A lesson we all need at times.

I screwed something up at work the other day and it was not found until today in the middle of a demo. I hate screwing things up. I make myself feel far worse than any amount of yelling can do, in fact getting in trouble just tends to make me angry more than anything. I try my best to get everything right, but I am not perfect, I will never be perfect. I make a change that affected a ton of places and missed one. It is so much worse that it was discovered during a demo for some new potential clients. No one has said anything to me about it, so I think all is well.

For all that I freaked out with the last post, I will be ok. I am not better, but I am not worse. I have been far worse during the course of my life and I am still here, so I will make it. Not always easy, but I either keep on trying or I will be stuck forever.

In geek news, Microsoft finally released Vista SP1 to the masses. I downloaded and installed it. Installation took thirty minutes or so and something like four reboots. I really can’t say that I can tell a difference, but I was not having any problems before, so I am not really surprised.

I have been dreaming again.  Sunday night I was out hiking in a beautiful mountainous area.  The sky was so very blue, with no clouds to be found as I walked along small clear river.  It was such a perfect place.  Then the rednecks came and tried to kill me.  I spent the rest of the night running instead of being able to enjoy this wonderful place I was in.  I did not wake up very rested on Monday morning.

I have not been having to work quite as much as I was, but can’t seem to snap out of this slump I seem to be in.  I have been in worse so I am sure I will snap out of it at some point.  Some people are not helping with the things they are doing, but they are completely clueless about the effect they are having.

Freedom Writers is a great movie.  I just finished watching it and really enjoyed it.  I know it has to be the nice friendly version of what happen, but it is still a wonderful movie that I really recommend you watching.

If I can ever get my host’s support team to believe I am who I say I am the blog maybe undergoing a few changes.  Should not be anything you all will notice, just trying to get moved to a server with some newer software on it.  I have it in my head that I am going to play with some of it, but who knows if that will really happen or not, but I know I will be more likely to do it if I am on the latest stuff verses trying to learn an older version of the technology.

I am feeling better than I was.  I still don’t feel the best in the world, but I no longer feel light headed walking from my desk to the bathroom at work.  The stairs to the apartment are still pretty unfriendly at this point, but getting better.

Speaking of work, this week is almost over.  Next week the boss will be back and I can get back to getting some work done.  Seems like every five minutes I am getting an email or phone call about something.  I have been told so many different things that I need to do that I have no idea if I have lost track of anything or not.  It would take a lot of getting used to if I have to handle all this stuff all the time.  It was two hours after I got to work this morning before I finally got to work on anything that counts.

I have netflix.  I some how keep getting movies that are not in English.  I have had to read at least 4 or 5 movies in the past month.  I watched  City of God tonight, of course not in English, but a good movie none the less.  Come to think of it I think I have like all the non-English movies I was just fussing about.  The one tonight makes me want to get out and take some pictures.

Interesting weekend. Don’t think anything went as planed, but that is ok I guess. Saturday met family in Cookeville for lunch. After that met Mandy and Leah and Leah’s parents for a little bit. After that I had to be back in Nashville for a little get together for Sidda’s third birthday.

When I got to Opery Mills I was getting out of the car about to grab my camera when I thought to myself it is just for dinner I will not need it. Huge mistake. I missed so many good pictures because I was stupid and did not bing my camera in. So now I am stuck with nothing but crappy cell phone pictures.

My head is completely stopped up. I can’t sleep as much as I would like because I wake up not being about to get a enough air. I don’t like this one bit. If that was not bad enough the boss is out at work this coming week and I really do not need to miss. We will see how it goes.

I am going to take some medicine and go to bed.

I have been sick.  I started taken meds on Friday and have now missed 2 days of work.  This afternoon is the first time I even felt like getting on the computer if that tells you anything.  I am going to attempt work tomorrow.

Hope it works out I hate wasting days on being sick.

I had a headache, and it is still with me this morning. I don’t often have headaches, so I don’t handle them very well. I hope it is just a headache and not a sign that I am getting sick.

The truck is broken. Seem to be the same thing that I had fixed in May, Mom is bringing it up today for the people to fix again since it was only a few months ago. I am hoping I will be able to get away for work to have dinner with her, it will be after I should be off anyway, but it is one of those weeks.

Fire is from the party Saturday night. It was a lot of fun especially after a bunch of use made our way outside to sit around the fire. It was nice.

Also on flickr is a picture of me from Sunday, aka day 14, if you are wondering about how the growth is going.

I am off to try and get three days of work done in a day and a half.