inside.my.mind

I am going to have a rant party if you can’t tell by the title, so consider this your warning.

I was sitting here today watching a movie (yet another that I had to read!) and the phone rang.  It was my boss and he was at work and had some questions about how to do something.  Not a big deal at all and I did not mind helping him out.  Before he goes he mentions that the own, who for the rest of this store will be known as the man, was a little bit upset that I had left at four (the time that I should get off, to make sure that is clear) the last two days.  I have left work on time no more than 5 or 6 time this YEAR and the man is upset that I am leaving on time?  You are going to love this part, on Monday or Tuesday I requested to leave ON TIME Thursday and Friday because I had plans.  How screwed up is it that I have to request to leave ON TIME and the man gets upset about it?  Am I missing something here?  If we are in a tight spot it is because the man wants one and half people to do the work of five.

Needless to say right now I am over flowing with frustration right now.

I woke up and went to work this morning like always.  I had been at work for maybe an hour when I notice that it is snowing.  It snowed really good for awhile.  The parking lot was covered and pretty looking.  Hours later when I get off work it is mostly melted and it is dark.  Could have been some good pictures, but no.  I am hoping that some of the flickr friends got some shots.

I have started not sleeping very well again.  When I lay down I can’t get to sleep and after I do I end up waking up at least 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.  I have been waking up looking at the time and then trying my hardest to sleep for that 10 minutes.  Seems stupid I know, but at the time all I want to do is go back to sleep.

Today was one of my coworkers last days.  About five I went up to say bye.  They were leaving so they did not care what they said it was funny to hear them talk about some of the things that go on at that place.  Another one of those people I wish I could have known better, but group lunches are going to take place if everyone does as they say.

So I don’t know if you have looked at flickr, but I took a couple of pictures.  Not really happy with any of the ones I took, but the two I posted where the best of the bunch.  Feel like I am a photo rut or something.

I am feeling better than I was.  I still don’t feel the best in the world, but I no longer feel light headed walking from my desk to the bathroom at work.  The stairs to the apartment are still pretty unfriendly at this point, but getting better.

Speaking of work, this week is almost over.  Next week the boss will be back and I can get back to getting some work done.  Seems like every five minutes I am getting an email or phone call about something.  I have been told so many different things that I need to do that I have no idea if I have lost track of anything or not.  It would take a lot of getting used to if I have to handle all this stuff all the time.  It was two hours after I got to work this morning before I finally got to work on anything that counts.

I have netflix.  I some how keep getting movies that are not in English.  I have had to read at least 4 or 5 movies in the past month.  I watched  City of God tonight, of course not in English, but a good movie none the less.  Come to think of it I think I have like all the non-English movies I was just fussing about.  The one tonight makes me want to get out and take some pictures.

I think things might finally be slowing down a bit. Seems like I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off for the last few weeks. Been in and out of town, work has been crazy, my mind is all over the place. Some really good times and some really bad.

I think the huge push that was going on at work will be over for a while after this week is over, of course another will take its place, but I am hoping for a week or two break. I don’t have any plans to leave town again in the next few weeks. Bring on the calmness!

It is crazy to think that this time two years ago my life changed in a crazy way that I had hoped to never experience. That has been on my mind a lot the last few weeks, but I guess that is to be expected around this time of year. I have changed a lot in the last two years, at least I think I have. Who knows what you all think. I feel so different, but at the same time I don’t. It really is hard to explain how I think of myself. Not really something I would want you all to see anyway.

I was so happy to be back at my church this past weekend. I had missed it so very much. I got to see most of the people I wanted, including a good portion of my kids. It is hard to catch everyone in the same week, so maybe this coming weekend I can see the rest of them. It is crazy how much comfort that place provides for me. There are so many wonderful people there, most of who I don’t know anywhere as much as I would like. I am very thankful for all of them.

Speaking of not knowing people like I would like. That seems to be a recurring theme in my life. It is not because I don’t want to know people better I just don’t know how to go about it. It take a really long time for me to get to know people and most people don’t bother. I would love to be able to go up and talk to just anyone, but I just don’t seem to work that way. When I am around most people I want to talk and have a good time, but I can’t seem to do it, I am trapped inside of me and very little can get out. It is such a frustrating feeling. People seem to think that I would prefer to play game or something to sitting around talking to people, but that is far from the truth. I will shut up now I am sure that will not make sense to anyone but me.

A coworker let me borrow the Bourne movies so I am hopping to watch them at some point this weekend. I have seen the first two already, but am going to watch them again as a refresher. It should be much fun.

I have been sick.  I started taken meds on Friday and have now missed 2 days of work.  This afternoon is the first time I even felt like getting on the computer if that tells you anything.  I am going to attempt work tomorrow.

Hope it works out I hate wasting days on being sick.

Today sucked, seems like nothing worked out like it should have.  Just one more day of work this week.  I can do one more day, like I have a choice.  Sorry it was one of those bad days at work.  I can’t seem to make it more that a three month without screwing up and not communicating as they expect me to.  I wish I could get it right.

If everything goes ok tomorrow I am going to be driving to the Cleveland area, at least that is what I have in my head at this point.  I pretty much have everything pack already.  I think I am taking to much stuff, but I ever know what to bring with I go places.  I think a couple of day away will be good, at least I hope so.  I may go into hiding mode at some point being around that many people for a couple of days.  I have gotten so used to it just being me most of the time.  I like having people around, but I have gotten where I also like to have my alone time when the mood strikes me.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.

I had a headache, and it is still with me this morning. I don’t often have headaches, so I don’t handle them very well. I hope it is just a headache and not a sign that I am getting sick.

The truck is broken. Seem to be the same thing that I had fixed in May, Mom is bringing it up today for the people to fix again since it was only a few months ago. I am hoping I will be able to get away for work to have dinner with her, it will be after I should be off anyway, but it is one of those weeks.

Fire is from the party Saturday night. It was a lot of fun especially after a bunch of use made our way outside to sit around the fire. It was nice.

Also on flickr is a picture of me from Sunday, aka day 14, if you are wondering about how the growth is going.

I am off to try and get three days of work done in a day and a half.

I am in a really bad mood right now. I should be downtown watching TFK play, but no I am not because I worked until almost 11 last night making me extremely sleepy today. I would have gone to see TFK, but seeing that I am already tired, the fact that I am point man on two projects and one conversion for tomorrow and next week, and the person who normally deals with all this crap it out.

What I don’t get about this who situation is why do I get stuck doing this when they promoted someone else to be my boss? Why don’t they get stuck doing this stuff instead of me? I am sure they got a nice pay raise with the new position.

I was going to have tomorrow off since I was going to be tired from the TFK concert. Oh and I loved this, when I was leaving the person I am coving for told me to get lots of sleep because I am going to be in the hot seat tomorrow and next week (the whole time he is gone). That made me feel great. I am working and doing my best why in the world would that put me in a hot seat. I have been working on his project this week in prep for his vacation, it was the project I was on before my current one, but I have not work on it in at least 3 or 4 month, but hey this week I should know what all is going on.

I hope when I get some rest I feel better about all this, like I said really crappy mood right now and am ranting, maybe even raving. I just want the dryer to get done so I can get to pass out time.

What a weekend. Mostly good, but some not good. I am sure most of the not good is a result of me letting myself get more tired than I have been in a really long time.

Friday hung out with my girls for a couple of hours and then went to a coworker’s place where he was cooking the food for the company get together on Saturday. I stayed way to late, but did get to have some ribs right off the smoker thing that were pretty much the best I have ever had.

Saturday was ok. Lots of work people who I don’t really know. Clowns showed up and I was a little freaked out. By the end of the thing I as hanging around the clowns more than anyone I work with. Funny how that is huh? Guess I just don’t fit it, or the people I fit in with had already left. Saturday night I don’t really remember a whole lot of I was tired and not thinking clearly.

Sunday, which is normally always a good day was not so much. I got made fun of a bunch by the kid. Normally it is no big deal we all just joke around, but this time it got to me, of course I did not let them know that they were just being kids like always. I was just so tired. Then I get to the apartment and every little thing that was out of place was like someone hammering bamboo under my finger nails. I think sleep would be good for me right now.

Just wanted to blog right fast and let everyone know that I have been working over the last couple of days so if I have not responded to something that is why. I will be late again tonight, but that should be the last night this week. I have been working on the project I am assigned to during the day and after working helping out on the stuff I used to work on. My old boss has two new people who don’t know the products yet so I said I would help him get this release finished.

Had a lot of fun this passed weekend. Had some wonderful Japanese food Friday night. Saturday and Sunday we were at Center Hill on the lake. It was good time and a good birthday weekend for Leah. The picture is on top of the house boat Saturday evening.

They have the road I normally take to work closed. They said it was going to be open on the 27th, but on the 27th they had changed the sign to the 30th. We will see how that works out. It means that I have to take the interstate in the mornings which I try my best to avoid. I have been lucky so far and have had no problems, but seems like 24 has at least one big issue a week.

Here is to hoping that to night is the last late night for awhile. I am waking up with red eyes now. That is pretty much a sign that I am getting to tried or looking at a computer for to many hours a day.