inside.my.mind

What a week I had last week. It was really bad, but surprisingly I am ok with that. When the weekend got here more bad things happen. Not all bad, had a couple happy things happen that make me not focus on the bad quite so much.

Saturday went to the Nashville Zoo for the first time ever. Work had a lunch thing there so we go to go for the day if we wanted. Not the greatest zoo I have ever been to, but it was pretty entertaining. Got to hang out with Sis and Julie which is something I don’t do enough of so that was good. On the way out we ran into Noelle and Ani which was a very pleasant surprise, I had not seen them in a couple of weeks.

On the way home from the zoo I was driving along minding my own business when I ran up on what looked to be a pallet that had been ran over by a few cars. Well I add another car to that count, since I could not avoid it. Thought it was no big deal and came home changed clothes and when for a little (and I do mean little I am still not doing all that great) jog/run. When I was coming back to where my car is parked I noticed that I was sitting a little funny. Well turns out my front driver side tire was completely flat. With the help of Sis got the ghetto little tire on there. Leah and Mandy were kind enough to come pick up on their way back from Cookeville so I did not have to try and drive that far on the stupid little tire. Sunday after church Leah and Heather where very sweet and drove me back home.

After I got back home I drove around trying to find a place to fix my tire. Finally found a place and was there for 15 minutes when they told me it could not be fix and that I would have to buy a new one. They had a list for me to pick from. None of them where the same brand as the tires already on my car, so I told them no thank you. They looked at me like I was the biggest idiot on the planet. I know it is stupid, but it would have driven me mad to not have all four tires being at least the same brand. To keep this from getting to much longer, I stayed out of work today to find a tire and now have four normal tires again all of the same brand. You have no idea how slow 50 is until you can’t drive over it with out dying.

I had a really bad day at work today. It was one of those day where everything seem to go wrong. In fact things from weeks ago even went bad. People were in bad moods. Temperature was all wrong.

I am sure you get the point, but for once this is not about what went wrong, but about how even a bad day can have a pretty good ending. I went and got a hair cut and the lady that did it was super friendly. She shifted me from a very negative mind set to an almost positive one. Normally I don’t talk much during the hair cutting process, but she talked and ask question. It was just nice.

Then to make the night even so much better than the day Leah called and I get to talk to her on her way home. Turned out to be a pretty good night!

It was so nice outside today I thought I would not waste it.  So I came home changed and attempted to run.  I don’t know what it is about running outside, but I suck at it.  Put me on something inside at a gym and I can stay at a pretty constant pace the whole time, and even feel pretty good afterward.  If I run outside I am out of breath in less that three minutes and have to stop running and take a walking break after no more than five minutes.

I got back today and was almost sick.  I am going to try and force myself to keep trying.  I am really hoping that I can increase the time between walks and the time before I get sick.  Who knows, maybe I am doing it wrong?  Or maybe I am just super out of shape.  Either way at some point I want to run at least one 5k before I die, so I need to get with it.

On a side note, I have communication issues.  I want to see how people are doing, but get so freaked out about it that I never can see how they are doing.  It happens to me all the time.  Does not matter if it is in person or not, although I think in person might be a bit easier.

I’ve tried my best to hear out the masses,
I’ve heard it all, from A to Z.
I’ve read it all, been to all of the classes,
And still I’m tryin’ but I just can’t see through the smoke.

And I don’t want it, this confusion,
I don’t want a false solution.
Give me something to hold on to,
I want what you have ’cause you have what I need.

I know it’s hard to be yourself when
you’re not sure just who that is.
All I wanted was satisfaction,
but all I got was empty fists.
Can you hear me?

And I don’t want it, this confusion,
I don’t want a false solution.
Give me something to hold on to,
I want what you have ’cause you have what I need.

All I wanted was honesty,
and that was something only you give.
It took forever just to realize that I had to give myself away,
so I could see your face and learn how to live.
I can’t erase your mark,
you may take every thing else away.

And I don’t want it, this confusion,
I don’t want a false solution.
Give me something to hold on to,
I want what you have ’cause you have what I need.

I want what you have ’cause you have what I need.

You Have What I Need by Hawk Nelson

Memory is such a strange thing.  It is amazing how smell, song, or touch can send a person back years.  On the way home from work today a song came on that I listened to quite a bit my freshman year of college, and all sorts of memories sprang in to my head about that time in my life.  I wish I was not driving when it happen, I would have loved to try and grab on to those memories and really examen how life has changed, how I have changed.  By the time I got home and was not worried about crashing the memories had faded.  I even tired listening to the same song after I got home, but it had no effect.

I am sure by now that ever one has seen the celebrity look alike things, if not you upload a picture of your face and it tells you what celebrities you look like.  I have seen a lot of them that friend have done.  I thought I would give it a try.  The results are I am a freak.  Everyone that I have seen have all the celebrities have been of the same sex as the person in the original picture.  My celebrities are half female and half male, not really sure what that says about me, regardless I will not be posting it for anyone to see.

In other new, I reached a goal!  It took me a heck of a lot longer that was originally planned, but it is hard to stay on track when other people are involved.  Five or six months late is a lot better than never right?  Now I am on to the next one.

I went to Cleveland Friday night and part of Saturday.  Felt like I only had half a weekend.  Tired but don’t want goto bed.  Anyone want to stay up all night with me and talk about anything and everything?

I am not really sure why or how I let it get out of control, but my brain will get on a line of thoughts and play out future scenarios about so many things.  It does this, get my hopes up really high, even though I know it is all based on nothing.  It is like a run away train with no hope of stopping.  All I can do is wait for something to derail it, because no matter what I try to do to stop it nothing works.  Anyone know anyway to take control of thoughts?

Wordpress 2.5 is now out and I upgraded tonight.  I had some issues with the section that was displaying my flickr images.  I tried to fix it, but I really don’t know much about all this web stuff, so I ended up just changing themes.

That is all just wanted to share my bit of frustration and announce the new theme.

I had a really wonderful weekend.  I have been trying to think of a way to explain, but nothing seems to do it justice.  I guess I will just start.  Friday I ended up having to work over which put me in a pretty grumpy mood.  I had plans and was going to be late.  I hate being late.  I hate being on time really.  I am alway early, I might not go in where ever I am going early, but I am there before it is time to be there.  I ended up getting to Leah and Mandy’s later than I wanted, but before most people had gotten there.  It was a great night of friends, fish, and new stories about Mandy.  Mandy’s dad was in for the weekend and came with a ton of fish that was fried.  Mandy’s dad comes with stories that I have never heard, so I really enjoy hearing about her growing up.  It was really a good time with everyone.

Saturday was interesting, but fun in its own way.  Leah’s dad got tickets to the race Saturday since Mandy’s dad is a fan.  None of the rest of us care a single thing about racing.  My dad said if I ever went to one in person I would like it, well he was wrong.  It was boring and cold, but over the course of the day I really enjoyed myself, but again that had nothing at all to do with the race, it was getting to hang out with my girls.  One really cool thing about Saturday was that we go to see Third Day!  I was maybe 15 feet from the band and a good deal closer to some huge freaking speakers.  I could not hear out of my right ear very well until this morning.  Saturday night we watch a movie had a really bad ending.

Sunday was of course Easter.   With the kids that is always a very busy day.  We spent the first service setting up the kids room to handle all the kids we were expecting, and hiding eggs for the hunt after the second service.  Second service is when we have the kids.  One of the kids I had not seen in a long time was in the nursery so I went in there.  After church the kids ran around like crazy collecting eggs.  It was a great day.

Like I was saying I had a great weekend, and I know I have not properly conveyed the reason, but at least you have some idea.

This town is colder now, I think it’s sick of us
It’s time to make our move, I’m shakin off the rust
I’ve got my heart set on anywhere but here
I’m staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel…
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal… for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re ‘here’ not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They’re tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could…
Steady feet, don’t fail me now
Gonna run till you can’t walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I’m standing down…

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re here not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, you don’t need

What you need, what you need…

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be
Oh, do you see what I see…

Stop and Stare by OneRepublic